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It never ceases to amaze me how people are shocked when a couple breaks-up! I just read an article that a celebrity couple is divorcing and how everyone is shocked and dismayed. Why would anyone be shocked at a couple’s breakup in this day and age of awareness and change? Unless of course, the archaic marriage vow, ’til death do us part,’ still prevails in a modern and changing society?

First of all, it’s nobody’s business if a couple breaks-up, whether you’re a celebrity or not! Secondly, by current standards of awareness, education and constant change, it is no longer the norm for two people to stay together longer than desired. We live in a society based more and more on wants rather than needs. We are living times of desire and the realization of those desires.

We are living longer. Only a brief century ago, being called old was not uncommon at the age of 30. Now, it’s well into the 80’s, 90’s and beyond. We are living longer as healthier lifestyles, choices and innovations are being adopted. We have access to more formal education and avenues for personal growth then ever before. More and more women are financially self-sufficient, so dependance on men has diminished. Much more is available to us, including choices, than 100, 50, 30 or even 10 years ago, especially in North America.

The ‘individual’ is also changing and continues to grow, which means that relationships are bound to change, sometimes dramatically in the eyes of others. We don’t know what another person is thinking or what goes on behind closed doors. If two people come together for a purpose and that purpose has been fulfilled is that not a cause for celebration rather than shock or dismay? The vow, ’til death do us part’ is an emotional, mental and physical prison sentence, stifling a person’s innate state of thriving, desire and realization.  My parents, devout Catholics who stuck it out long after my younger siblings left home, stayed together out of obligation to the church (intentional small ‘c’, here) and took the vow, ’til death do us part,’ literally! Before my mother passed away in 2001, their relationship was a constant battle of wills;  my dad blamed my mother for just about everything. Together, neither realized their full potential for happiness or their dreams, nor did they fulfill them for the other!

As Forrest Gump once said, “Life is a box of chocolates. You never know what you’ll get.” But actually you do! There is a diagram inside the box to indicate where they are. You just have to figure out how to read it. Maybe, at first, you don’t know what kind of chocolate you like, but your partner does. She/he favours creamy, dark chocolate.  You eat creamy, dark chocolate together because you know that’s what you love together. Then one day, after doing some personal growing, you notice a different kind of chocolate, a chocolate you hadn’t noticed before that ignites your senses just by the thought of it. So you try it.  And now, this chocolate is your favorite. You’re partner asks you why you don’t like creamy, dark chocolate anymore. You say, that you wanted to try something new. You offer the box to your partner but your partner only wants creamy, dark chocolate, because that’s what she/he has always eating. You see the world through different eyes and your tastes and desires have changed, but your partner’s eyes, tastes and desires, have not. After awhile, your partner realizes that you’re not eating any of the creamy, dark chocolates and asks to try the new chocolate your eating… it’s sweeter, maybe a little nuttier, which your partner doesn’t like. But your partner eats it with the hopes that you’ll come back to the creamy, dark chocolate. But you don’t! You keep trying all kinds of chocolates and different boxes of chocolates, which ignites worlds upon new worlds for you!

I’m not criticizing any one choices. In fact, I understand. However, don’t let anyone guilt you or shame you into believing that either way is wrong or bad, on either count. It’s just a box of chocolates! We once thought of love as being respect, loyalty and even punishment, in the eyes of the church. We held onto it for dear life… or death, as in some cases! We are constantly evolving and improving both inside and out.  Am I shocked that a couple splits up? Not at all. Am I shocked that people are still shocked and dismayed over a breakup? Not anymore…

On the topic of chocolates… You probably have an idea of what type of chocolate you love. You’ve probably picked the same one over and over again, and stuck with it, at least for awhile… we all do! We savour it, delight in it, desire more of it, play with it and let each bite fill all of our senses. And then, one day, you want something different…to change it up. You still love chocolate but you realize that you like variety, contrast, diversity, not just sameness. You’ve grown and your taste buds have change, and this new flavour is tasting pretty good….this new box is delightful….FOR NOW! 🙂

Make your innate state your best friend! Get to know your inner guidance system rather than what other people are doing or have done in the past. The past is the past! If not, you’ll be eating the same chocolate that you’ve always eaten, thinking that its new. You’ll meet people who like the same chocolate as you. You’ll see only the same chocolate you’ve always eaten… most likely the same chocolate your parents and grandparents ate…

Love and Light,